There are many reasons why women in the jet-set scene stay single year after year without really finding what they are looking for. Sometimes, the reality is that it’s not due to “bad luck” or “all the good ones are taken” clichés. Sometimes, it’s actually about the person you see in the mirror every day: yourself, who is sabotaging your success.
Admitting you might be the reason why your love life is put on hold can be one of the hardest things a person can do. It requires courage to look inside yourself for flaws rather than blaming it on to the outside world. A little bit of honesty can be the missing piece of the puzzle and explain why you are not making it work in the dating and relationships.
Does this sound familiar?
♥ You have a fixed idea about who you want to be with
♥ You have a never-ending list of criteria and attributes that the guy must fulfill
♥ You’re overly detailed in what man you’re looking for
♥ Nobody you meet ever seems to fit the frame
♥ You meet men, but they are never good enough
♥ When you actually meet a good man, they are not rich enough. But the wealthy men, are all jerks, so you assume all the good ones are already taken.
I’ve discovered that often women in the jet-set world come with unrealistic expectations about the type of man they wish to meet. When women are too detail-oriented and have a long list of “must haves” in a partner, I call it The Princess Syndrome.
You say things like, “I deserve only the very best” or “I will never settle for less.” I don’t disagree with this way of thinking, but there are women who are pushing these to the extremes – and I see it everywhere!
The ones who reason like this have a subconscious programming telling them that they need a flawless partner to stay true to their value. A woman may think that if she has a flawed partner, then it lessens her value. He needs to there for be perfect, but the perfectionist never ends up finding what she’s looking for.
Now some of you may raise your eyebrows, and dismiss it by saying that women should be picky and careful. I’m not going against that, I encourage women to know their value and be selective with their men, especially since there are many low-quality men out there!
But this post is not about the average woman; this post is about the types of women who are being overly particular and choosy. They have built a guarding barrier around them to protect themselves from getting hurt, by having a militant vetting process where almost no man makes the fit. Then they complain “there are no good men out there” and the vicious circle continues…
There are good men out there, but you won’t know that unless you give people an honest chance by getting to know them. But maybe that’s too time-consuming and just easier to follow a checklist on a paper. A checklist that is set to fail.
You Might Be Missing Out
The truth is – being a perfectionist can cause you to miss out on many great guys. Being happy in a relationship is not always determined by what’s written on the package, but rather what’s actually inside and how it makes you feel. Relationships are three-dimensional. They’re never as simple as “this is a list of what I want and it will bring me happiness.”
Most of the time the perfectionists who give people outside of their list a chance, are surprised by the level of happiness they can achieve by letting go of their hardwired beliefs. It’s not about settling for less, but settling for something more than just a checklist.
The jet-set world is already too much “What do you do? What do you own? What can you give me?” type of society. But don’t let it infiltrate the most precious aspect of your life – your love life.
When you meet a man who will love you, treat you well and make you the happiest woman on earth, you’ll seldom even remember such things as a checklist. It won’t matter anymore.
Whatever you might have written down as requirements “height, net worth, age, hair color, etc.”, It will all be forgotten. Because when your soul has found her match, the only thing you really care about is what you the two of you have. And what you have can never be fabricated from a list of criteria. Instead, it gets created magically, what humans are not yet able to explain.
So keep an open mind and give people a chance. But always listen to your values and instincts without falling back to the sabotaging extremes.