There are times when I – literally speaking –Hate the entire jet set scene and the people in it, because the judgemental character gets to me. It’s tiring and sometimes you wish people could cut each other some slack and become more humble.
I then realise that there is no point of me being angry at something that cannot be changed. That the only thing I have power of changing is my own mind-set and how I behave. So I gave up my hatred and started working on myself instead.
Before I used to care a lot what people thought of me. It felt important taking care of my reputation and not being categorised as a particular type. I was extremely concerned about my image, it became like an obsession.
I reached a point of an AHA-moment when I noticed, that even women with immaculate reputation would have evil eyes judging them for whatever silly reason. There was simply no escape from negative words of mouth no matter how well you played the jet-set game.
So I gave up.
And now enjoy a happy life of “I don’t give a fucks!”
I must say it feels very liberating walking in to a room of judging eyes and not feel affected if they think you are a gold digger, slut, escort, prostitute, wannabe, broke, fake, thief, loser etc (any negative attribute out there really!). It just doesn’t matter.
It’s also very liberating not having the need to control what other people think. Just accepting that people will always think all kinds of shit in their heads, and that we can’t do anything about it.
It’s all about letting go and focusing on living a happy and carefree life instead, where you don’t get affected by other peoples negativity.
In the jet set world, you need to do yourself this favour, otherwise you’ll drive yourself to insanity!
My blog promotes shopping and consumption, but I’ve been wanting to write this post for a while to raise some questions and awareness of what it is that we are actually doing and contributing to with this behaviour.
Now should also be the perfect time to think about these things; just before the (consumptive) festive season begins.
Why women like to shop and men don’t
Let’s first try and understand why it’s so deeply routed in most women of liking to shop, while men tend to hate it and spend less time in stores. As you know, I’m very interested in evolutionary psychology and there is a lot of science behind this theory that I will present. Let me share some quotes:
– can make you feel happy (retail therapy)
– gives you a sense of control
– makes you feel creative
– gives you a temporary escape in life
– is a social thing among friends
– feels very rewarding
– can feel like a thrill
– is competitive
-helps supporting your superficial life
Shopping is very easy explained in a neuroscientific way.
When you buy something you like the chemicals in your brain and body gets “high” by the release of dopamine in your system.
The same dopamine gets released in people who take drugs, gamble, binge eat etc.
This dopamine effect has different levels of intensity, for example when you grab a bargain (at a surreal price) your dopamine levels goes sky-high, if you compare to when you do the average shopping stroll in the supermarket.
Some people proudly admit them being “Shopaholics” like it’s carrying some form of prestige (“I afford, I can, I’m a fashionista”).
But if you examine this behaviour, there is actually nothing much to be proud of.
Shopping can be compared to any addiction out there like alcoholism, drug addiction, eating disorders etc – the line is very fine of what it’s actually considered as acceptable, normal and where the limit goes for “too much”.
Sadly our society is built today so that we do as much consumption as possible (everywhere we go there is advertisement manipulating and subconsciously affecting us). Shopaholism is there for not looked upon serious unless it has reached extreme levels.
What’s important to keep in mind, is that shopping will always make you happy on days when you feel low – but it should not be used as a legit excuse to do so.
Have in mind why you shop and be aware of the chemical release in your body.
When I go shopping these days I always remind myself that the great feeling that I’m feeling is just my dopamine release. When I walk home high on life with my bags, I make sure to understand that this is not something to get used to. That it should be a treat and not a way of living.
Many young women are today obsessed with shopping to a degree I personally find a bit scary.
Our modern world is overly concerned with material possessions and wealth, if we look at the jet-set world: Even more!
The jet-setters are probably the worst when it comes to this, as that’s how they evaluate each other and status – by material possessions and how much this/that/he/she is worth.
Jetset Babes get a buzz out of acquiring material possessions in order to fit in to the jet-set world.
The ticket to feel accepted and blend in, is to look like everyone else (be covered in labels and status symbols).
There for looking expensive, having a designer purse, an expensive watch and jewellery is crucial. Without this you will not be classified as a Jetset Babe (if you don’t look like a Jetset Babe you will never ripe the success of a Jetset Babe).
When you think about it, it’s quite sad and shallow – but it’s the truth. The jet-set world is extreme in this way hence why I wanted to make a post about the obsession with consumption.
When you shop, you…
– make big evil corporations filthy rich and support their expansion and ability to rule & control the world.
– support companies un ethical work with child workers, poor working conditions, exploit people who are desperate to work for extremely low wages etc.
– contribute to the climate change & pollution
– contribute to the general waste. Where do you think all your trash will go one day?
– contribute to the abuse of our innocent animals and all the suffering they go through just so you look good (in their fur, leather, make up, beauty products etc)
– contribute to a wide range of environmental and social global problems
I know it all feels so innocent when we go on that shopping spree, buying crap we don’t really need.
But because we are living in a materialistic society, where material posessions is more like a drug then a necessaity – we totally forget what impact that stupid little t-shirt from H&M that we just bought actually brings on to the entire planet.
You think it doesn’t matter, but in reality every single thing matters!
The question is:
When are we going to stop acting selfish and instead start taking care of the planet and our future?
This is a slow journey to self-instinction and our shopping habits contributes to this a lot.
Buying things won’t make us happy
There are many scientific studies that show us that shopping makes us happy (the chemical release in the body that I mentioned earlier) – BUT it’s only TEMPORARY. A very short-lived happiness.
A temporary joy that carries a significant amount of destructiveness to the world we live in. What do you choose?
Science shows us that consumption makes us temporary happy, but long-term it’s proofed to make us UN HAPPY.
I’m not trying to say “STOP SHOPPING OTHERWISE YOU ARE A BAD PERSON” because that would be extremely hypocritical of me since I run a blog promoting a certain lifestyle (materialism, wealth and possessions).
But I still think it’s important to bring up these issues to the surface, to raise awareness and maybe to start looking at things from a different angle. Start by simply understanding WHY you consume and ask yourself next time you buy something “Do I really, really need this? Will this make me happy long-term?”.
I personally have been aware of my addiction to the materialistic world since I began my spiritual journey. My awareness does not excuse my actions (I still shop, I still blog about jet-setters etc), but I feel I’m one tiny step closer to making amendments in my life that feels significant to me. It all contributes to my personal growth, but I’m far away from there.
My dream would be to one day have total freedom in my mind of not wanting to consume unnecessary items and cut the ties to the superficial world. I believe I will get there one day.
For people who are not used to the jet-set world, having a conversation with a millionaire or billionaire can seem extremely daunting at first. You might wonder what kind of things to talk to them about, especially if you don’t know them. Or how to behave if you are new in the jet-set group.
It will always be slightly awkward trying to keep a conversation with wealthy people because their essence of authority and status can feel intimidating in the beginning. But the truth is, these people are as normal as anyone else – hence the conversation topics don’t necessarily need to be grand of any kind.
Wealthy people often have very good knowledge in following topics: politics, international affairs, business, currency, fine dining, wine, whiskey, cigars, cars, yachts, private jets, travel, football, arts, theatre/opera etc.
It’s good to have at least some form of basic knowledge on these topics above, but nobody expects you to be a leading expert in all fields. In fact, unless you are born and bred in the high society world, it might even come off a bit too much if you start rambling like a leading encyclopaedia.
But the worst is pretending you know more than you actually do.
This is probably one of the biggest mistakes “beginners” do in the jet-set world. They feel insecure and want to make a good impression so they start acting over confidently about certain topics.
This is very easy to see through, especially for the millionaire/billionaire types who interact with people who like to show off on a regular basis. It has happened many times I’ve been in groups where a new person been very cocky about his/her knowledge and had the people laughing about it behind the persons back.
Do not try too hard.
Be natural and never pretend you know more than you do. If you are very confident in a particular subject, feel free to speak passionately about it – that’s often very appreciated. But never go to the limits of bragging and acting like you know it all.
If you are about to get to know someone of the jet-set crowd, be prepared that these questions might arisen.
– Where are you from? – Where do you live? – Where did you grow up? – What’s the typical dish of your country? – Any question about your country including politics or comments about the weather. – What do you do for a living? – What did you study? – Where do you usually go out at night? – What is your favourite food or restaurant? – How do you know someone in the group? – Have you ever been to XXX country? – Do you follow football? etc.
You see, pretty standard questions and nothing to really feel intimidated by. If you don’t know what to speak to the person about you can always refer to this list for ideas. Once you get a few questions rolling, it’s easy to spin on other topics when you get to know each other a little bit better.
If there is a group conversation going on, topics may be more general and about politics, travel, football etc.
My suggestion is to follow the news to get an overview of what’s happening in the world.
But also get a basic understanding on football teams, different types of wine, famous artists/art movements, who is who in politics, the best hotels/restaurants/places to go to, the hottest cars etc.
The more you listen to people who talk about these topics, the easier it will be for you to snap up and learn from them. In the beginning, listen more and observe then contribute. Once you know your stuff, join in!
“Hmmm… I’m not sure I can decide to be honest.. This one was tough! Which one is your favourite?” (Turning the question back and around works usually to lead off the attention as people enjoy talking more about themselves than actually listening to others).
“I’m not really a wine drinker, so I’ll need to pass this one. ”
“You know there was this wine I’ve tried ages ago which totally blew me away (lie of course)… Hmmm… The problem is that I can’t remember what it was named as it was quite rare, but it was absolutely divine. If I’ll remember I’ll let you know”.
To pull these off, you’ll need to say it confidently and with some basic acting skills. Nothing sounds worse than obvious lies!
But of course it happens and will happen many times you will be asked questions which will make you uncomfortable because of your little knowledge about it. It still happens to me sometimes, and I guess the trick is to just act relaxed about it and bullshit your way out somehow.
Unless you are at a very formal gathering, the jet-set conversation topics will often be quite casual and nothing for you to really worry about. Like I said in the beginning, these are just normal people. Jokes, exchange of opinions and passionate discussions is how everyone socialises.
But for you to be on the safe side, try and avoid following unless you know the people well:
– Don’t speak about racial or religious topics.
– Don’t lie too much, as it can always backfire.
– Think about what jokes you make, some jokes are not always considered funny, even if you personally think so.
– If you have extreme opinions of any kind, keep them for yourself unless you really know the group.
– Don’t bring up very heavy topics that kills the vibe.
– Don’t sound too deep or too pretentious when you speak.
– Don’t use overly complicated words. Speak naturally and never curse.
– Don’t share any stories that might come across as too personal. It will become very awkward for everyone.
– Don’t ask a person you don’t know too personal questions. If you’re unsure you should always excuse yourself prior by saying “Sorry, may I ask if….”.
– Don’t take up too much space before you are familiar with the new group. Nobody likes when an outsider takes over too much.