I got her out in the end, thanks to an un official payment, but it has learned us a big lesson.
Don’t think you’re so safe and sound all the time, able to do whatever you please just because you’re on holiday. We got carried away, made some foolish descisions and acted like morons. I’m just happy nobody got hurt.
A lesson learned and now we’re being careful. (Well, we’re also without a car, stuck in a villa in the middle of nowhere). But it serves us right to be honest.
I’ve been in Thailand now 1 week and I need to share with you another evidence to why traveling on your own is not that daunting in terms of loneliness.
So I woke up on Sunday in a sunny Phuket, knowing that I was completely new in a country and place I’ve never been to before. The feeling of “shit, I really don’t know not even a single person here” came upon me.
In Bali I made friends imediatly, and I didn’t have many days of just being on my own. So I kind of got used of being able to message people and have company, but now it was like I had to start from scratch again!
That sunday I felt a little bit of loneliess like the reality check really hit me, that there was absolutely no one here I could meet!
So I said “Fuck it” and got dressed, to go for a few drinks (on my own) to Nikki Beach.
As soon as I walked in I asked my intution which bar to sit down at. “Left or right?”.
Intuition said “right”. I walked up to the bar and saw an empty chair next to 2 girls. I asked politely if It was free and sat down to order a Margarita. Then I asked where they were from and we got talking. And dancing. And exchanging numbers.
When they had to leave, another group of russians approached me. We started talking. Then one said that they were gonna go for sauna and massage, and that I could join because it was someones birthday. And rule number one; Always say YES if your intuition says so. Which it did, so I said, “Let’s go guys”. (They were a group of boys and girls)
So we went to this sauna, then we went for dinner, then we went to their villa, and then we just partied all night.
I woke up on their sofa like “Good morning my new friends, whats up” and we’ve been hanging out all of us ever since.
One of the girls in this russian group, is soooo cool! Love her! She is so much fun and I can’t stop laughing being around her.
We clicked so well, I actually moved in with her in her villa after just a few days of knowing each other. She was on her own anyway so might as well create a sorority club out of that place…
During my 6 week trip, I’ve had a short holiday romance. A romance that felt so intense, so mind blowing.
One of my problems before have been to never want to let go of anything that feels so great. A good example; temporary flings of this kind.
The person usually gets stuck in my mind, my emotional self and simply makes me get carried away to some form of dreamland. I start fantizing about “is this my future husband?”, “how will his surname sound together with my name?”, “I wonder how our kids will look like?”… You get me.
It’s almost embarrassing to admit, but whenever I have moments of passionate love affairs – the future wife looking for a man – gets awoken. God damnit. I hate it to be honest!
All I want is to be free, to rock’n’roll, to live life in the most adventurous manner possible, without any mind-fucks of this kind. These emotional obstacles, they make me totally handicapped – with one thing only in my mind – HIM.
No matter if he is that great or not. But if we’ve had passionate sex and great connection, it’s like he is my Johnny Depp, the Brad Pitt I’ve been looking for my entire life time.
After I took almost a year of total celibacy (yepp, until my Bali adventures, it’s been 10 months since this girl got some action),
I realized a lot of things.
I finally understood;
What type of man I really want
What type of man I really need
What type of treatment I believe I deserve
…And what assholes to avoid!
But there is one thing in me that has been the true reason why I’ve been avoiding men for such a long time – and it’s myself.
I can’t deal with any more of my energy being wasted. Not because it’s his fault, but because I get so carried away in whatever it is that we share together. I turn in to an emotional freak, even if I’m pretty good of hiding it – even if I become that ice queen who doesn’t seem to give a fuck.
But in reality I give so many fucks.
So this celebacy has given me a lot of thinking to my issue. I’ve promised myself to grow stronger than my old self, and to stop this torture.
So when I met my Mr. Bali Romance, I was sure to get carried away on my pink, lovey-dovey clouds.
Maybe I did for a day or so, but as soon as I came back to planet earth I remembered what I had promised myself. – TO RELAX.
On our last day we had together I woke up feeling that I needed to try something new in life, so I spent most of the day doing things that were important for myself – not be around him like as if I was all devoted. I enjoyed being with myself to be honest. It gave me power, a feel of “you can do this – you don’t need to rush anything”.
So when we said our sad good bye’s, when we got in touch for the first time after – I understood it was time to let him go.
Let him go, not because I gave up our love story, but because I understood that this is exactly what needs to be done when you really like someone.
Let him go to the universe, to the big wild unknown. Let go and see what happens. Let destiny decide if your path’s will cross again.
Because if it won’t then you truly know that “this was just something temporary I needed in my life during that point of time”.
…And oh, to REALLY mean this in the core of my heart, that gave me some amazing power. To actually feel when you close a chapter, that you won’t obsess or stay hung up on this man, because you choose to let your life path take it’s natural course.
So I’m happy to announce that I’ve cured a small percentage in me that obsess about men. It’s a small step for humanity, but a big step for my personal emotional resources – cause honestly, I’m getting too old for this shit.
And to Mr. Bali Romance, wherever you are right now, wherever you will be one day – thank you for this wonderful memory shared with me. It might stop just right there, but it put a wonderful smile on my face for days, a smile a will remember.
So let’s close this chapter and see if it ever will get re-opened again. Honestly, it doesn’t really matter, because if he doesn’t open the right chapter I just know someone else will. Someone probably greater than him. So why be all control freak about it? Just relax and let go…
A blog about the fashion of the jet setters, their luxury lifestyle and the jet set world. Mixed with personal thoughts and stories from the author. Currently writing this blog while traveling in Thailand.
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